Its day 6 since the first quake and if you’ve
read my previous blogs, you might get some idea on how I spent my days. Now I can’t even reflect back on time to think about those five days. People have started returning back to their homes though the quakes still haven’t stopped. There were quakes yesterday at 6 am, 8 am and then at 1 pm. But those quakes were not more than 4.7 Richter scale. Yesterday, we spent the entire morning and afternoon at the garage and decided to sleep inside the house at night. At around 4:30 pm, there was a phone call and more calls came stating that there are chances of earthquake for two hours. I was really angry and irritated because I desperately wanted to sleep inside the house but we were not just shifting to the garage but directly to the wet and muddy field with flies and insects. After exchanging some angry words with my family, I was coaxed to go to the field. We stayed in the field till 7 pm and returned home to have dinner. Fortunately we got to sleep inside because the person who spread this news was caught and it was fake news.
But even inside the house we could not sleep peacefully because there was an earthquake at 3am in the morning of about 4 Richter scale. The quakes are decreasing but they have not stopped yet. We’ve been told that the quakes won’t stop for a month. I don’t know about the credibility of the news but I hope it’s not true.
After all these days of having to fear every single moment, I kind of feel I am losing my mind or something. I am not being able to take any decisions, I am getting confused and I am not being able to decide whether things are happening for a reason or was it a co-incidence. I feel like I’m in a trance and hallucinating. All those days that have passed by seems like a dream or rather nightmare that I would never like to anticipate ever in my life.
Whenever I open my face book account, I see posts about earthquake. I look outside my home and I see people in the field, the hot topic over there is about the houses of their relatives or someone they know that has been collapsed. Even the TV has these kinds of news everywhere. It’s really depressing and I don’t have interest over anything. Everything is a bore to me and there have only been moments to lament. I hope you are getting what I am trying to express. The only way through which I express is by writing and I realized that I can leave everything in this world from food to sleep but cannot stop writing. That is probably the reason why I am updating my blog in this situation and trying to release my anxiety through writing. But in my previous blog post I’d been writing about what I’d done during the day but this blog post is basically about how I am feeling and several other Nepalese share these similar feeling. Probably some have worse situations and are in distress.
I am a high school student in my senior year and have my final examinations probably after a month. It was supposed to be conducted on May 3 but it got postponed until further notice. But I wonder how I and several other fellow examinees will be able to study with such mental turmoil. We all feel really traumatized by the situation Nepal is facing and by the way we have been living. I wonder when all this would end and we would stand back up again.
I know may sound like I’m falling weak and I shouldn’t. I am trying to push myself because I know I am not so weak. There have been many slogans and post about Nepal to stand strong but if the citizens are not stronger then how can the country stand strong? So, I am trying my best to be strong, writing my feeling out so that I can release everything to be stronger. Yes, my blog post can be lamenting but I want to end with a positive note and say people to be strong because a strong citizen means a stronger country. And just believe you are strong because your belief in yourself can work wonders. So please pray for Nepal and you can help Nepal in the following links: