Finding Love: Sudden Awakening

look-atthe-starsIn my 20 years of life, all I sought was love. I lamented that love never found me nor did I find love. I was wrong.

I was wrong to think I don’t have love in my life because it was there all along. I just hadn’t realized it. Love was there when you first smiled at me and said, “Hi!” Love developed as “Hi!” turned into “What are you doing?” and “OMG! You do that too? I thought I was the only one.” Love evolved as I came to you one day and cried for the love of my life had left me stranded alone. You hugged me, your soothing words and care healed me slowly. Love grew so much over time when I came to you feeling alone. I would say, “I have no one to love me”.

I cannot imagine how you must have felt when I’d said those words because all this time what I got from you was love. Still you would say, “You will find someone to love you so much some day.” You said that so selflessly.

I was so selfish to search for love in one person and give importance to one person who was there just for a couple of months. While you were there all along walking with me on the thorny path, wiping my bleeding feet, treating me with care to heal me while you also bled. But I wasn’t there to give the care you deserved because I was self obsessed about certain people who didn’t deserve the importance I gave them.

You always gave the best to me, made me feel like no one would be lucky enough to get the best other than me. Every time I cried, I knew your heart cried too yet I did not cease crying because I was stupid enough to think that no one cared if I cried.

I was searching for love in one person, the most imperfectly perfect person for me. But I failed to realize that I have already got what I was searching for. I had you. The imperfect, crazy, silly, dramatic asses I’d found along the path of rainbows and thorns that I’d travelled through. Some tagged along with me for more than a decade, some years and some just months but giving equal effort to make me feel loved because I was an adult child who had a very shallow meaning of love.

Yet you loved all my scars, my annoying habits, my selfish and not so human nature. You care for me so much and nurtured to spread my wings wider. I did spread my wings slowly but I did not realize it was all because of you.

I believe I have found love. My love is dramatic, silly, talkative, mature, playful, helpful, selfless, evil, and funny but just like me you are crazy asses. I’ve found my other half in you and I cannot begin to explain how my 20th birthday made me feel. I felt a sudden awakening and I was happy for I had amazing people surrounding me but I felt sad for I had failed to realize this in 20 long years.

I’m really sorry and thank you so much for making me realize one of the most important lesson in life. I love you.

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