To the man I love the most: Stains

 

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Dear love,
So, I’d promised the last sentence I wrote for you would be the last one I would ever write about you. But alas, words and sentences come straight from my heart and this stupid little heart cannot forget the touch of your hands or the words that you used to whisper every time we kissed. “I love you”, you’d whisper and my heart would whisper that back at you, “ I love you too’ and my heart meant it, it meant that it will never cease to love you. But may be for you , it were your lips that spoke those word due to the pleasant sensation it got as it touched mine.

I’d promised myself a month ago that not another drop of tear would drop for you but yet again, I have stains on my new glasses, just because of you.

I erase the stain of my glasses and put make up on so that no one can see my swollen eyes by crying all night long. I’m trying, I’m hiding the pain but the more I try to forget you, the thought of your presence erasing from my life hurts me even more.

I try to talk to you but all you talk about is your new girl. Maybe you have someone; maybe you don’t and just lied to pain my already pained heart. I don’t know. I actually don’t know anything right now.

I tried loving someone else but the realization that it was not you wounded me. I tried to love someone who looked like you but the realization that they don’t have your voice, the little cute habits that you had which pissed me off but I still loved it. The realization killed me because it made me realize there won’t ever be someone like you.

Maybe it’s good I don’t find someone like you because the comparison would never cease but how can I fall in love again? With someone completely alien?

You used to be my friend, my guide, you gave solutions to all my problems but now when you’re not here, and I feel lonely. I have been feeling so since the past year where there wasn’t a single day I didn’t think about you. I don’t have enough guts to talk to you because each word that will utter from your lips would break me, when once, those were the words that made me complete.

Dear love, the heart wants what it wants. I realize ‘we’ were never perfect and won’t be so but this heart cannot forget you even after several tries. The tears still trickle like it used to and stain my glasses. I wish someday the pain would go and so would the stains.

Dear love, I miss you today, I miss you more than ever.

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