When I’d thought about writing doodle diary, I never thought I would have so much thoughts, ideas and realizations in just a single week. The week was a rush of feelings of which some were familiar and others an enigma. I thought about the past, present and more about my future which never ceases to excite me every time I think about it. I dreamt an entire day about my future plans being fulfilled until dawn came to greet me and with tired eyes I bade farewell to my dreams for the day.
My thoughts pondered on my dream company, a media house which will be based on providing non- altered news to people and will help to abolish mainstream media misrepresentation. A media house that everyone knows of and is an asset to the media. It would be print media with various sister publication dedicated to different targeted audiences. It is dream project that I would never get tired of dreaming.
Though my dreams excite me, they scare me too because they are too vast and I feel I am being over ambitious. I expect a lot of things to happen but when it doesn’t meet my expectations, they tend to break me. I feel scared of having big dreams though I never cease this habit. I believe that having big dreams is good in a way because at least you will fulfill a larger portion of it if not all.
Apart from dreams, I was over thinking about everything. This habit of over thinking is really bad but when I’ve got nothing to think about, I go to the past event and assuming and pre assuming things. I realized that this has cost me a lot of time worrying about petty things. So, I will try to avoid this habit of mine since I’ve realized that over thinking is going to do me no good!
Another incident happened this week which made me think about something that I’d never given a thought. So, my laptop crashed down. I had no idea what happened and was unable to do anything. I felt really helpless. I know this is out of context but the fact that I am a girl and my disinterest towards technology was part of the reason I was unable even to describe what had happened to my laptop. I had to wait for my brother to come and inform me that my laptop’s system had crashed down. I felt really strange admitting that I had no idea about it though I am not an illiterate and live in a modern society using touch phones every day. Even though I am from this modern society, an educated girl, I felt the need of women empowerment through technology. There is this thought that ‘technological things’ are only meant for men but women should also equally participate in the world of technology. In my case, I am not sure how to conclude my thought. Am I really not interested in technology and more into arts? Or is it because I feel I am a girl so ‘that is not my thing’! Nevertheless, having at least basic knowledge about the model of your laptop or cell phone is necessary even though you don’t have tilt over science and technology.
As I‘d mentioned over thinking in the above paragraph, sometimes it’s not so bad too. I have my finals in about fifteen days and was over thinking about exams. In this process, I came to know that I really don’t fear exams. The reason is that I am just writing what I know. Forget the exam hall, the results and everything. I love writing and that is what I am doing in exams, forming sentences and playing with words. After this thought struck my mind, exams don’t seem tough or scary. They seem to be fun and challenging and I am eagerly waiting for it to finish as soon as it can so that I can enjoy rest of my holidays without having to think about studies!
This week’s ride was extraordinary. I thought about many things of which some are baseless and some are really deep. I am getting to know more about myself everyday and enjoying this quest. In this process I am growing bit by bit. Through this self reflection doodle diary you and I will both get to know more about experiences and thoughts in the life of an eighteen year old girl.
The Black Caterpillar 